eric wrote:
Thanks baby herc.that has to be the most encouraging words ive heard in a while.my whole family is unhealthy.i want to be different.i feel i can do this with help like what i recieved from you.i thank you
.ill continue to learn.bye
The appreciation is appreciated.
I, too, know what it's like to be in a family who provides a bad example of certain behaviors and offers little emotional support, but you're wrong when you say your
whole family is unhealthy because
you are now the exception, and you are becoming more and more of an exception with every passing day. You
are different. Whether they acknowledge it or not, you are planting the seeds of an idea in their heads: "Hmm, if he can do it, maybe I can, too."
Here's something else, something that has always helped me greatly whenever I feel stuck in life and can't figure out why I'm not moving forward. I take a look at where I am and then I compare it to where I want to be, literally visualizing it in my mind until it is very clear. Then I ask myself one critical question: "What scary thing do I get to avoid doing by staying back here where I am?" Often, the stuckness is a way to protect myself from moving into new, frightening territory.
Here's a good example: I grew up in a middle to upper middle class home with parents who looked down on everybody who had more money than they did. In their minds, "the rich" either became that way through dishonest means or they had it handed to them without working for it. No matter how you sliced it, having money was selfish, bad, unfair to everyone else, and just downright wrong. You were a rat bastard if you didn't donate everything in your possession to disease foundations, the Sierra Club, and NPR. Now, I'm not suggesting that those aren't worthy causes, but I'm a worthy cause, too. Unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until just recently.
You see, I took their beliefs so much to heart that I made very sure that, despite a top notch college education and a list of skills and gifts a mile long, I never earned enough to stay out of debt, I lived in low rent squalor, and I never purchased anything that could be considered frivolous or fun. I also made quite sure to complain about "the rich," the economy, and everything else my family deemed at fault for our situation. But the only person at fault was me. I was so terrified of succeeding and thus becoming one of the evil ones out there with money, that I sacrificed my whole life for many years in order to stay in my family and friends' good graces.
Then, I started a landscape design and personal gardening business that quickly attracted the attention of the highest financial echelon in a large city. Pretty soon, I was operating by referral only for the wealthy elite. I spent time with these people, I saw how they lived, I laughed with them, I listened to them complain about their lives, I played with their dogs and their children. I learned that the only difference between them and me was that they saw nothing wrong with being financially comfortable. They didn't apologize for it by "giving back" enormous chunks of it, they didn't argue with anyone over the rightness or wrongness of owning luxury cars, and they didn't think twice about purchasing things that made them and their loved ones happy. They just lived--but they lived with the belief that money was their friend.
I worked hard to shift my thinking and sure enough, things shifted around me, too. I still have a ways to go. To this day, I have to mentally brace myself whenever things get better for me financially, I've been brainwashed so thoroughly. "Did I suffer enough to deserve this bounty? Should I justify my purchases by itemizing all their utilitarian purposes? Is it okay to enjoy my life like this?" Answer: yes, it's okay. In fact, I was born deserving to enjoy it. Everybody was. And everybody deserves to feel good, loved, beautiful, safe, strong, confident, and, yes, rich. So, keep going, Eric, you deserve it. You're
supposed to win.
Baby Herc
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