Yes clean bulk is the way to go...and i know it..and im going to...but ive been reading articles about rebounding and all the perils and im worried. whether or not ill continue competing i really dont know, but in general i want to be vigorous with muscle and also be able to eat a good amount of food in general without feeling like its hurting me. i like to eat. trying to decide if i should get my fix of chocolate bar, tofutti and bagel, mock meats on saturday and sunday or just skip it and completely try to reboot my system. also trying to figure out a way to have some wine and beer without overdoing it and leading to bad habits. i know eating clean during the week will be easy for me and im still fantasizing about copious amounts of veggies and fruits but with all the junk food around (its non vegan but i fantasize about the vegan versions..today for example bagels, chocolate cake, oreos, other cookies, chips, salads with dressing and other crap in it, even chicken cordon blue lol!!!). its so hard. cried more tears today about stupid stuff...but granted mondays are usually the hardest days for me to get through. i started with the dieretic and drank two gallons of water by 3pm, three cups of coffee, four diet sodas, and then like 2 liters of water at the gym. didnt really start peeing that much until i got to the gym, so i guess the dieretics are kicked in after a few hours. also loaded on the salt even more than usual. my belly is protruding a lot. 15 minutes hit, 20 minutes of LIT, 12 exercise circuit, groups in supersets of three three times each, 40 more mins LIT. bathroom breaks during each cardio session lol.
i know i do a lot of complaining on this forum and thank you all for putting up with me. also my mom deserves a ton of credit for putting up with my moods, helping with shopping and cooking, and laundry and cleaning my messes. in a normal state of mind and not dieting im messy and dissheveled, this diet has made in a thousand times worse and she's been great. off to exfoliate and douse myself in baking soda. and posing practice which i dread.
Darth Vader from Sandlot once said, "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die." Then he later died.